Relationships again
In a discussion a while back someone talked about being friends with a girl first before asking her out. Interestingly I read this recently.
whole article (see here)
My question is where is the line... between friendship/spending time together and giving the girl the wrong idea?
But men should assume that if a woman is spending a lot of time with him, she is interested and she is investing her emotions. (I suspect men realize this more often than they'll admit, but hold onto these ego-boosting relationships anyway.)
Women, on the other hand, need to assume less. A woman should not assume that a guy friend she's spending time with is: a) just too shy to make a move; b) thinking she's the woman of his dreams but the timing isn't right; c) in denial of God's will that they be together.
whole article (see here)
My question is where is the line... between friendship/spending time together and giving the girl the wrong idea?
posted by mike at 4:51 PM
10 Comments:
You make me sound like such a woman.
Well that article was fascinating. I haven't read much on the girl side of the story. The guy equivalent is well documented.
That line is a bit ambiguous. But I can tell when I'm using a guy for companionship and attention and we're not on the same page. If I'm indulging at his expense, it's wrong.
I really liked this article. I have found myself in that situation before, giving my heart to a "brother", and to find out that he had no intentions of pursuing me, even though his actions would suggest otherwise. God has created men and women so differently and uniquely. I think it is important for each gender to know these differences and submit to God's word even when we can't completely understand those differences. Out of respect for one another and for future spouses. I liked the verse in Timothy that was mentioned in the article, "Treat younger men as brothers...and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity." Good word.
When a guy says "I don't see myself in a relationship anytime soon", it means they don't feel especially attracted to anyone right now. Sorry girls, it's a scientific fact.
"At the same time, he congratulated her for being the only girl he could really talk to who wouldn't "get the wrong idea." "
OK, this is a misunderstood trick. For some reason Nick has had negative conditioning in the past. He doesnt think he is loveable and thinks if he makes a move on a girl she will flea. He thinks the only chance of interaction with a girl is to be "just friends". It is wrong of Sarah to just tell him to back off. Instead she should tell Nick that they can go on a date if he liked her, but otherwise it maybe a waste of time. Nick may change his mind and take her on a date anyhow. But if the two still don't really know each other, it would be wrong for Sarah to make Nick decide so soon. They can meet in a group setting if it would be weird otherwise.
But I think it is the Christian thing to always be someones friend if they are genuinely lonely. Never cut someone off totaly. Don't change your phone number and get restraining orders. I don't think this is Christian, and it gets very ugly.
Who are all these guys sending flirty emails everyday with no real interest?
Most of my male friends have been very careful with me when I was single, and only a few guys asked me to dinner when there was nothing more there.
It really shocks and annoys me that there a blokes out there who genuinely think there is no harm in asking girls to dinner/sending flirty emails with the idea that they are not interested in dating/marrying them!
Women are made as companions for men and this urge is strong. God made us this way. If a woman is unattached it is often very hard to have incredibly close male friends without creating intimacy that can lead to attraction-desire-love...
Watch out!!! Boys, be careful with your sisters!!
Here's an interesting article that linked from the one Michael Posted.
http://www.boundless.org/2002_2003/
departments/beyond_buddies/a0000771.
html
It's a kind of 'advice for women who are in perpetual friendship with someone who won't make a move' very interesting.
Donners I agree with you. I think that there has to be boundaries in guy/girl friendships. I think that if someone is lonely and searching for a companion, they need to first seek Jesus, and then go to the same gender to find that companion. To go to the opposite gender for that companionship would be opening the door to crossing some boundaries that may leave someone hurt. Also, my roomate just encouraged me with this. I think that us as sisters need to encourage our brothers in stepping up and taking the initiative in pursuing a woman. I think too many guys are afraid of rejection, so they don't make the first move or don't move at all. I think that as a sister build up a brother, by saying "yeah, I'll go on a date with you" That doesn't mean "Yeah, because I am going on a date with you than we are going to get married" It just means I'm going to give you a chance because you love Jesus and who knows what God is doing, and it builds up the guys confidence, if it doesn't work out, than it doesn' work out, but the guy isn't left feeling competley rejected if you turn him down right away. I don't think "dating" has to mean, "I'm committing to you" I see it as, "I want to get to know you to see if you could be the type of person I want to spend the rest of my life with". Those are some more of my thoughts.
donners: In our circles I havn't noticed guys overstepping the mark. Quite the opposite. Guys are too scared to even talk to a girl for fear of it seen in inapropriate.
Personally, I always try to assume a guy is not interested in me unless he makes it totally obvious. This has been one of my ways of trying not to get crushes on anyone :). I must read this article soon!
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